70+ Funniest Retirement Quotes That Will Make Your
Day
1 | Retirement: It’s The Only Time In Life When You Can Have A Drink In The Morning And Not Feel Guilty.
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2 | Retirement Is Like A Long Vacation In Las Vegas. The Goal Is To Enjoy It To The Fullest, But Not So Fully That You Run Out Of Money. |
3 | Retirement Is When You Stop Living At Work And Start Working On Living. |
4 | Retirement Is The Time When You Realize That Getting Up Early Is More Of A Nuisance Than A Necessity. |
5 | Retirement Is Wonderful. It’s Doing Nothing Without Worrying About Getting Caught. |
6 | Retirement Is The Only Time When You Can Truly Enjoy Your Morning Coffee Without The Fear Of It Getting Cold. |
7 | Retirement Is The World’s Longest Coffee Break. |
8 | Retirement Is Having Nothing To Do And All Day To Do It. |
9 | Retirement Is Like A Never-Ending Weekend, Except You Can’t Remember The Last Time You Did Laundry. |
10 | Retirement Is The Art Of Never Getting Around To Things You Planned On Doing.
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11 | Retirement Is The Time When You Stop Counting The Hours And Start Making Every Hour Count. |
12 | Retirement: The Only Time In Life When You Can Trade Your Suit For A Pair Of Pajamas And Not Be Judged. |
13 | Retirement Is When You Switch Bosses From The One Who Hired You To The One Who Married You. |
14 | Retirement Is The Perfect Time To Become A Kid Again. Just Without The Curfew. |
15 | Retirement Is Like A Permanent Saturday, Except You Don’t Have To Do Yard Work. |
16 | Retirement Is The Time When You Can Finally Give Up On Keeping Up With The Joneses And Start Keeping Up With The Kardashians. |
17 | Retirement Is The Best Excuse To Never Set An Alarm Clock Again. Unless It’s For Brunch. |
18 | Retirement: The Only Phase In Life When Doing Nothing Is Considered An Art Form. |
19 | Retirement Is Like A Long Vacation With A One-Way Ticket. |
20 | Retirement Is The Age When Your Social Calendar Is Full, And Your Days Of The Week Are All Labeled ‘S.’
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21 | Retirement Is The Time When You Can Finally Stop Pretending To Be Busy And Start Actually Being Busy Doing Nothing. |
22 | Retirement Is When You Can Finally Say, ‘I’M Too Old For This… And I Don’t Care.’ |
23 | Retirement Is Like Being A Kid Again, But With More Money And Fewer Teeth. |
24 | Retirement Is The Opportunity To Wake Up Every Morning And Decide What To Do… And Then Go Back To Sleep. |
25 | Retirement Is The Time When You Realize That ‘Happily Ever After’ Isn’t Just For Fairy Tales. |
26 | Retirement: It’s The Art Of Never Having To Wear A Tie Again, Unless You Want To. |
27 | Retirement Is The Time When You Can Finally Trade Deadlines For Fishing Lines. |
28 | Retirement Is Like A Permanent Vacation, Except You Never Have To Worry About Forgetting To Pack Anything. |
29 | Retirement Is The Phase In Life When You Trade Your Boss For Your Spouse And Still Get Yelled At. |
30 | Retirement Is When You Can Finally Stop Rushing And Start Enjoying The Scenery.
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Hilarious Funny Retirement Quotes That Will Make Your Day
31 | Retirement Is The Age When You Start Counting Your Pennies Because You Finally Have The Time To Do So.
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32 | Retirement Is The Time When You Can Play Golf Without Feeling Guilty… And Then Feel Guilty About Playing Too Much Golf. |
33 | Retirement Is The Opportunity To Pursue The Hobbies You Love Without Having To Explain Why To Anyone. |
34 | Retirement Is Like A Never-Ending Weekend, But With A Lot More Naps.” |
35 | Retirement Is When You Can Finally Put The ‘Pro’ In ‘Procrastination.’ |
36 | Retirement Is The Phase In Life When ‘Early To Bed, Early To Rise’ Becomes ‘Late To Bed, Early To Rise… For Breakfast.’ |
37 | Retirement Is Like Being A Teenager Again, But With Better Judgment And A Bigger Bank Account. |
38 | Retirement Is When You Can Finally Stop Pretending To Be Interested In Boring Office Conversations And Start Eavesdropping On Interesting Conversations At The Coffee Shop. |
39 | Retirement Is The Time When You Can Take Up A New Hobby And Become The World’s Okayest At It. |
40 | Retirement Is The Age When You Realize That Growing Old Is Mandatory, But Growing Up Is Optional.
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41 | Retirement Is The Perfect Opportunity To Show The World That You Can Be A Professional Napper. |
42 | Retirement Is Like A Permanent Staycation, But With No Obligations To Clean The House. |
43 | Retirement Is When You Can Finally Master The Art Of Doing Nothing And Still Feeling Accomplished. |
44 | Retirement Is The Phase In Life When You Can Wear Mismatched Socks And Proudly Declare It As Your Unique Fashion Statement. |
45 | Retirement Is Like Having A Backstage Pass To Life, Where You Can Watch All The Action Unfold Without Being In The Spotlight. |
46 | Retirement Is When You Have All The Time In The World To Learn Something New, Like How To Take The Perfect Selfie Or How To Use Emojis. |
47 | Retirement Is The Phase In Life When You Can Finally Blame Your Forgetfulness On Old Age And Get Away With It. |
48 | Retirement Is Like A Second Childhood, But With A Lot More Money And A Lot Fewer Tantrums. |
49 | Retirement Is The Time When You Can Finally Let Your Hair Down, Unless, Of Course, You’re Bald Like Me. |
50 | Retirement Is The Age When You Can Wear A Fanny Pack And Not Care About Fashion Trends.
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51 | Retirement Is Like Being On A Permanent Vacation, Except Your Suitcase Is Filled With Prescription Medications. |
52 | Retirement Is When You Can Finally Say, ‘I’M Retired. Do I Look Busy?’ |
53 | Retirement Is The Perfect Excuse To Eat Dessert First, Because Who Knows What The Future Holds? |
54 | Retirement Is The Time When You Can Finally Catch Up On All Those Tv Shows And Movies You Pretended To Watch During Office Discussions. |
55 | Retirement Is Like A Daily Happy Hour, But Without The Guilt Of Missing A Morning Meeting. |
56 | Retirement Is When You Can Embrace Your Inner Couch Potato And Turn It Into An Olympic Sport. |
57 | Retirement Is The Age When You Can Wear Socks With Sandals And Proudly Proclaim, ‘I’ve Reached Maximum Comfort!’ |
58 | Retirement Is The Opportunity To Trade High Heels For Slippers And Never Look Back. |
59 | Retirement Is Like Being A Kid In A Candy Store, Except You Can Afford To Buy All The Candy. |
60 | Retirement Is The Time When You Can Finally Forget The Names Of People You Never Liked In The First Place.
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61 | Retirement Is When Your Social Calendar Fills Up With Doctor’s Appointments Instead Of Business Meetings. |
62 | Retirement Is Like A Permanent Weekend, Where You Can Wear Pajamas All Day And Nobody Judges You. |
63 | Retirement Is The Phase In Life When You Can Spend Hours Perfecting Your ‘Grumpy Old Person’ Impression. |
64 | Retirement Is When You Can Finally Live Out Your Dream Of Becoming A Professional Napper. |
65 | Retirement Is Like A Blank Canvas, And You’re The Artist Who Gets To Paint The Most Colorful And Adventurous Chapter Of Your Life. |
66 | Retirement Is The Age When You Can Proudly Display Your Collection Of Remote Controls Without Anyone Questioning Your Sanity. |
67 | Retirement Is The Perfect Time To Take Up Gardening, Because Watering Plants Is A Socially Acceptable Way To Talk To Yourself. |
68 | Retirement Is When You Can Finally Let Go Of All The Work-Related Stress And Embrace The Stress Of Trying To Remember Where You Left Your Reading Glasses. |
69 | Retirement Is Like Being A Superhero Without A Cape, Because You Save The World One Nap At A Time. |
70 | Retirement Is The Phase In Life When You Can Finally Put Your Car Keys In Your Pocket And Not Worry About Losing Them.
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71 | Retirement Is When You Can Proudly Declare That You’ve Upgraded From Business Casual To Full-Time Leisure. |
72 | Retirement Is The Age When You Can Trade Office Politics For A Game Of Bingo And Still Feel A Rush Of Adrenaline. |
73 | Retirement Is The Time When You Can Finally Pursue Your True Passion: Napping Like A Professional. |
74 | Retirement Is Like A Long-Awaited Vacation, Except You Don’t Have To Set An Out-Of-Office Email Reply. |
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